The following is the transcript of a strange signal intercepted by SETI as it left our atmosphere from Brighton, England, on August 26th, 2017. An international team of code-breakers has finally deciphered the unknown language, thanks to data going as far back as the 1950’s. The signal appears to be a communique, bound for the planet Mars.


We arrived at the settlement sometime after dusk, the darkness and proximity to the ocean allowed us to land unseen by the subjects. Our initial assessment was correct, this place is without doubt a mating ground for humans. Thermal reconnaissance suggested disproportionate levels of nocturnal activity, and I am excited to report that our first study into the mating habits of the great primate has so far been a resounding success.

The breeding ground was brightly lit in hues pleasing to the human eye. There were few older members of the species, most I observed were healthy and of prime breeding age.

The males demonstrated heightened levels of aggression, each trying to assert himself as the alpha by puffing out the chest and attempting the loudest mating call. They exhibited their genetic attributes with tight clothing, which gave an impression of the naked body whilst allowing them to stay warm.

By and large the females seemed uninterested in the males, despite presenting clear signs of arousal; primarily reddening of the lips and cheeks. The little clothing they wore had been chosen to display their fertility.

As the ritual progressed, the humans descended into a hormone-induced stupor. Many were so enamoured they could barely walk. They gravitated towards the temples lining the walkway, some reappearing after a while having found a mate. The mating couples then boarded vessels, presumably destined for their domiciles, to attempt insemination away from the herd.

At one point a female straggler, separated from her pack, stumbled upon my hide. She looked straight at me, a glazed confusion passing over her face. I stayed perfectly still, so as not to startle her. Having had no contact with us before, it makes sense they would have no reason to fear us. As she stumbled away, a group of males spotted her and moved in. Before long, the alpha was placing his overgarment around her as a symbol of possession. Success for the young male, may their copulation be fruitful.



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